Review: Gigli THC Tea

Empires were built on tea. Now imagine all the conflict and violence that could have been averted, and the fun that could have been had instead, if they had Gigli THC Tea (or any weed at all). Just imagine. Far out, man.

Per usual, because my old, ailing body has become numb to all the shitty things in the world, I need a THC drink with at least 10 mg of THC to feel anything. Every 5 mg drink I’ve tried has basically been a very expensive light beer, so I don’t review those products. If you are young, full of life and not yet toughened up by a little too much partying in your youth, then maybe a 10mg drink isn’t for you.

With that disclaimer out of the way, let’s see how this weed tea performs.

Test 1 (10 mg)

I love me some raspberry flavor, sometimes more than I love actual raspberries, but this extremely flavorful drink took me by surprise. The first few sips were overwhelmingly raspberry and I wondered if I didn’t have another Looner THC Soda situation on my hands, where the beverage is best enjoyed without food. Fortunately, after a few more sips my tongue adjusted and the drink paired nicely with the rotisserie chicken I’d acquired for this test.

As much as rotisserie chicken seems to help push THC through the blood stream, it can also sometimes slow down the onset times, which happened with this test. It took about 20 minutes to empty the can and I didn’t feel the first tingle until 20 minutes after the final sip. For most beverages, that time is usually about five minutes or less, depending on how long I nurse the drink.

The even slower part was the crawl up to peak buzz, which took 1.5 hours from the first sip (more than an hour after the final sip). This might be the slowest THC beverage onset I’ve ever experienced.

Alas, and it pains me to toss out negative reviews, the buzz was subpar, even by the already lower standard of THC beverage buzzes. By comparison, this wasn’t anywhere near peak buzz for an average 5 mg edible. The buzz was so weak, that I got up off the couch to check the can to make sure I hadn’t accidentally purchased a 5 mg drink.

That mild buzz wasn’t enough to beat back my restless legs syndrome, which came out of the THC cell I keep it in to keep me awake until long after my bedtime. This rarely happens, even with 5 mg edibles accompanied by THC-unfriendly food.

The buzz was already fading fast at the 2.5-hour mark when I got up to take a pill for the restless legs. Usually, these buzzes hang around until at least the three-hour mark.

The straight dope on Gigli THC Tea

Unfortunately, my scoring system handicaps THC beverages, but Gigi THC Tea was far below average for even that low bar. It tastes good, and it has zero calories if you care about that kind of thing, but apart from no hangover the next day, I can’t find a silver lining here.

SCORES:

Potency: 1

Price: 4 ($5.99 per can on the Hemp House website)

Value: 2

Far Out, Man Ratio: 2

Total: 9 out of 20

Scoring system is a 1 to 5 range, with 1 being “meh,” and 5 being “Fuck yeah.”