Review: Minnesota Fire Delta-9 Gummies

Based in Rochester, Minnesota Fire Hemp has been around for about a year and a half – or their website has, in any case. In addition to the Minnesota Fire Delta-9 Gummies, they have an impressive line of Delta-8, Delta-9, Delta-10, THC, THC-O, THC-V, and HHC products, including vape cartridges, oils and gummies.

The product description for the Delta-9 gummies on their website is, in its entirety, “5 Mg delta 9 THC.” So, either these guys don’t sweat the details or they are keeping the details close to their chests.

Scrolling through their Facebook page, I found a graphic saying their gummies “Help calm the mind and relax the body, without the paranoia and anxiety.” They also mention that gummies are made with “Kosher organic terpenes” and “Though Gummies take longer to kick in, the effect stay with you longer also!”

First of all, Minnesota Fire Hemp if you’re reading this, with all due respect, I’d be happy to do a little freelance copywriting for you. Second, are those delayed effects referring to hemp gummies compared to smoking or compared to marijuana gummies? Actually, it doesn’t really matter, because both statements are true. Some of these hemp-derived gummies take a long time to work, period.

Without any design or manufacturing tidbits to share, let’s get right to the tests.

Test 1

I popped a single 5 mg gummy dose on a mostly empty stomach, but while inhaling half a bag of Trader Joe’s Ghost Pepper Potato Chips, so the THC would have something to attach itself to.

The effects came on sloooooowly. After an hour, I was just beginning to feel a hint that the effects had begun, but it took another full hour for the full effects to settle in. The peak, a dignified mellowness, was reached between the two and the 2.5 hour mark.

There was a nice evenness to the trip. I felt a distinct lightness, but I was still relatively clear-headed. Perhaps this is the kind of stoned you wanna be while working at a sandwich shop.

Test 2

I took a 5 mg dose right before dinner and watched the clock. Once again, there was a hint of lightness after an hour and a half, but the “OK, I’m high” stage didn’t start until the two-hour mark. It continued building for the next two hours, before it finally leveled off.

This trip was perhaps a little more intense than the previous test, hitting the high side of mellow, but still a functional trip. I don’t know about working while this high, but I bet you could sort the shit out of some mail.

The effects started slowly fading at about the five-hour mark.

Test 3

Because I’m a professional, I tried again with a 5 mg dose after dinner. Three hours later, I had a subtle high going, but it was definitely less intense than the previous two tests.

It may have had something to do with my dinner that night being low in fat and high in protein. Edible aficionados will tell you that the best results happen when you eat food with plenty of fat, oils and/or lipids. Half a rotisserie chicken doesn’t cut it.

10 mg dose

Because I wanted to give Minnesota Fire Delta-9 Gummies a fair chance and because I laugh in the face of danger, I ate two doses (10 mg) as I was sitting down to a plate of tagliatelle with foie gras meatballs from 112 Eatery. That divine, oily indulgence would propel the THC molecules through my body like greased… molecules.

Keep in mind that in most states 10 mg is a standard dose, so it’s not like I was hoping to see a Dr Strange montage unfold on the backs of my eyelids. But as we learned with the Midwest Reserve, these hemp-derived edibles are something special. I’m not sure it’s accurate to say that a 5 mg hemp gummy is as strong as the 10 mg marijuana-derived gummies I’ve had, but it’s close.

Per usual, it was two hours before I felt like the show was getting started. Then the show slowly built to a crescendo at about the three hour mark. Even with the tagliatelle accelerant, the Fire didn’t quite hit as hard as the Midwest Reserve, which is as of this writing the gold standard of Minnesota’s current weird hemp gummy arena.

A word on hangovers

Depending on how much I’m asking for it, I sometimes have edible hangovers that take an hour or two to dissipate in the morning. Well, like their unexpected potency, Minnesota’s hemp-derived THC treats come with unexpected hangovers. I was fuzzy till mid-afternoon the day after that 10 mg dose.

For the uninitiated, these aren’t full-body, please-kill-me hangovers, like a booze hangover, but your brain may not feel like revving up to it’s usual RPM for some or all of the following day.

The straight dope

The Minnesota Fire Delta-9 Gummies are your journeyman high. A functional trip with plenty of stamina. It’s your Sunday after-brunch accompaniment when it’s time for at-home adulting chores. Or take it for a lake stroll, secure in the knowledge that you’ll act convincingly natural if you run into your parents’ friends from church.

SCORES:

Potency: 3

Price: 4

Value: 4

Far Out, Man Ratio: 3

Total: 14 out of 20

Scoring system is a 1 to 5 range, with 1 being “meh,” and 5 being “Fuck yeah.”