Review: Hemp House Hard Candy

The Hemp House Hard Candy was the first time I’ve ever had THC delivered in hard candy form and I quickly discovered that my initial apprehension was sorely misplaced.

But first I want to take a moment to sing the praises of Hemp House’s customer service. Yes, Hemp House is a retail operation in addition to having their own branded products. I had an unfortunate issue and they solved it with gusto. Furthermore, they have a huge variety of products and they deliver. I cannot recommend them enough.

But! What about these hard candies?

Hemp House Hard Candy Test 1 (5 mg)

I popped a 5 mg dose into my mouth on an empty stomach, though I ate dinner soon after. It took about 10 minutes for the candy to completely dissolve. I don’t often talk about flavor with edibles, because you usually eat one or two and they’re gone in just a few seconds, but since the hard candies hang around I thought I should add that the Watermelons are delicious.

Just over an hour later, it was hitting me. I’ve had enough Minnesota hemp-derived edibles by this stage to have a good handle on a baseline high and the Hemp House Hard Candy hit the baseline comfortably. I was a little surprised that the hard candies took effect faster than some of the gummies I’ve tried, but, spoiler alert, after three tests, I can confirm that these things consistently hit in an hour or less. The Botany gummies are still the fastest acting that I’ve tried so far, but Hemp House is a close second.

The effects started fading at about the four-hour mark, so better than average staying power.

Test 2 (5 mg)

This time I waited till after dinner to eat a 5 mg dose, which is probably why the effects landed a bit faster, roughly 40 minutes later. Apart from the speed, this high was about the same caliber. Comfortably baseline. Solid.

I’ve decided to start calling these trips “Happy Hour Highs,” because it’s pretty much the exact amount of buzz you want after a comparable two-drink happy hour, assuming you’re not driving home. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but absolutely do not drive after taking these, or any other edibles for that matter.

If you like to get high on work nights, this is what you want. Not too sloppy, and no discernible hangover.

Test 3 (10 mg)

As I say in pretty much every review, 10 mg is the standard dose for most places that aren’t Minnesota, so I had to know how the Hemp House candies compared to the 10 mg Colorado edibles I’m accustomed to. I had to buy myself some time to finish some stuff before the 10 mg hammer came down, so I took the two 5 mg doses a little over an hour apart, with dinner also happening in between.

Again, the first dose (empty stomach) hit after about an hour, like clockwork. The second dose (full stomach) came on strong less than an hour later. There was a period of rapid escalation that briefly had me worried I was about to take a Midwest Reserve-caliber unplanned journey to another galaxy, but the high mercifully leveled off.

My caveman brain math assumed I’d get twice as high as a 5 mg dose, but I didn’t quite get there. This may have had something to do with the staggered doses and food in between, but who knows. Whatever the case, it was still a borderline too-stoned-for-a-Tuesday trip, but for some reason I did not get punished with a comparable hangover. I cannot explain this, but I’m not complaining.

The straight dope on the Hemp House Hard Candy

If there’s a benchmark for the current hemp-derived Minnesota edibles arena we’re currently living in, the Hemp House Hard Candy is it. They take hold relatively fast, they’re reliable and they get the job done, with little if any brain fog the next morning. If you wanna get stoned seven days a week, this is an excellent Sunday-Thursday option.

SCORES:

Potency: 4

Price: 5 ($19.99)

Value: 4

Far Out, Man Ratio: 4

Total: 17 out of 20

Scoring system is a 1 to 5 range, with 1 being “meh,” and 5 being “Fuck yeah.”