Review: Midwest Reserve gummies

Surprisingly potent – Is HHC the secret sauce?

This is my review, and first review ever for this blog, for the Midwest Reserve Delta 9 + HHC gummies (mixed berry). This product came into my possession after a confident dispensary employee told me that these are the go-to edibles for “people with experience.”

Spoiler alert: After monthly work-related visits to Colorado for a year, where stopping at the dispensary after work is as common as going to happy hour, I am indeed experienced.

She then explained how the added presence of HHC makes these superior to other hemp-derived gummies. “Something-something, chemistry-something” were her exact words, if I recall. (I don’t recall.) In any case, she assured me that I’d be pleased. And boy was I.

Things didn’t start out great, however. Being used to the 10mg standard dosage for Colorado edibles, I gobbled two of the 5mg gummies after work on an empty stomach. As I sat down to dinner an hour later, I couldn’t even feel a tingle, unless you count buyer’s remorse. Colorado gummies start hitting at about the 45-minute mark for me – even faster in some cases.

My expectations were low, but not zero. Word on the street that the hemp-derived gummies that Minnesota “accidentally” legalized in 2022 were trash, and I was beginning to see what these people were talking about. After an uneventful hour and a half, I started composing the opening to this review in my head (“I’ve gotten a better buzz from ibuprofen…”), but then the hammer dropped. And then the hammer bounced off the roof and kept dropping until it reached terminal velocity 45 minutes later.

Hemp? Really?

If you navigated here from the main page, you know this is the first product review for this blog and therefore my first experience with hemp-derived gummies. “According to the internet,” which is my shorthand term for information that is “Questionable-possibly-false-trust-no-one-ever,” hemp-derived THC is just as powerful as the regular marijuana-derived THC.

I don’t know why, perhaps because I’ve reached an age where change is annoying, but I felt this hemp THC hype was a scam or maybe promoted by people who didn’t go to Colorado once a month for a year, sampling virtually every type of edible, who now regard themselves as gummy sommeliers. Hemp makes fine rope and decent clothes. That’s what hemp is for.

I was also trying to parse the actual truth between withering comments from veteran potheads about the feeble potency of hemp THC and stories like the ones from the crew over at Racket, one of whom had a traumatic experience after taking a mere 5mg dose. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but never trust potheads.

Wait, what exactly is that HHC stuff you mentioned earlier?

Here’s my overview on HHC. On its own, an HHC high is said to be less psychoactive, but more energizing. So, is the HHC the x-factor in why the Midwest Reserve gummies seem to pack extra punch? I’ve seen one source that said HHC is somewhere between Delta-8 and Delta-9 THC in terms of brain altering potency, but that likely depends on the dosage. Another source said it’s weaker than Delta-8. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, in the absence of any direction from the State, people predictably decided to tinker and now I know that HHC-laced hemp THC gummies are not to be trifled with. And so do you.

Back to the trip

I don’t normally partake on week nights, partly to stay sharp for work, partly because I don’t wanna be one of those people that builds up an insane tolerance. When I do go for the gummies, it’s only in the evenings as part of my night-night wind down ritual. I don’t like getting stoned during the day. There’s too much to do and the days are short enough as it is without wondering if you just typed that last sentence or thought it.

But weekends are me time. I don’t wanna be fiddling with unknown products on a night when I can get properly zonked. This is a long way of explaining that I decided a Thursday night test of possibly weak gummies seemed like a safe bet. [Narrator: “It was not a safe bet.”]

As the buzz became more and more intense, I was alternating between “This is great!” and “What have I done?” I was already dreading the alarm the next morning and the hour or so it would take to shake off the mild, but nevertheless irritating weed hangover I was almost certainly going to have.

The slow breathing and euphoria of a standard high was concentrated in my chest. It was like a massive ball of THC and HHC vapor was swirling and expanding in there, before being pressure shot out to the ends of my capillaries. My various old guy aches and pains went silent.

Nowhere on the packaging or the Midwest Reserve website is there information about whether these gummies are hybrids, indica or sativa. The absence of this information usually means you’re dealing with a hybrid and my high seemed to confirm that. I didn’t want to sink indi-couch nor did I feel like writing 1,000 words, then cleaning my condo. So, yeah, probably a hybrid.

But make no mistake, I was hammered. Nothing productive, including watching TV with a complicated plot, was going to happen for the rest of the evening. Even at my age, 117, going to bed at 9 p.m. is unacceptable, so I rode the rogue THC/HHC wave while watching several episodes of “Mythic Quest,” the exact right amount of plot for someone that overdid it.

Four hours after eating the Midwest Reserve gummies, two and a half hours after the effects uncorked, I went to bed only a fraction less stoned than at my peak a little earlier. Was it possible that these Minnesota hemp gummies were superior to the fine Colorado products I was accustomed to? Obviously, further investigation was warranted.

Further investigation

The next evening (a Friday, so I was safe to get a little freaky), I started with 5mg just as I was logging out of work. I’d had a big lunch, so my stomach wasn’t empty, but I certainly wasn’t full. Edible fans will tell you that they work best when consumed with a full stomach, especially if that full stomach contains plenty of fat for the THC molecules to ride around on.

With that in mind, I decided to get a pasta and pizza combo feast from Red Rabbit. The plan was to pop another 5mg gummy after eating and then, if necessary, pop a third 5mg gummy a few hours later. This go-for-broke strategy wasn’t going to help me with the longevity question, but I’d get a better idea of the relative punch that each 5mg gummy carries.

Once again, it took about an hour and a half before the first gummy reached its full potential, though this time I was feeling slightly altered brain activity after only an hour. And once again the high was shockingly potent.

By the time the third gummy was making itself known, I was borderline zombie-fied. Being this stoned isn’t terrible, but it also isn’t great. My face was completely numb and my eyes and ears felt like they were swelling.

The super-hearing effect that comes with some weed products was also present. I felt like I could hear every noise happening down on the sidewalk, nine stories below. Was that a dog? Yes, it was, weighing about 25-30 pounds I’d say judging by the delicate sound of its steps.

There isn’t much else you can do in this state but turn off the lights, fire up the lava lamp and listen to Massive Attack for about three minutes before you fall asleep. Which is what happened.

For one last test, I ate a 5 mg gummy after a big meal. Two hours later, nada. But just before the two and a half hour mark, it finally hit. By the three hour mark I was, once again, remarkable high considering that a 10 mg dose from Colorado results in just about the same effects. Maybe the 10 mg dose gets me 10-20% more stoned than the Colorado stuff. Maybe.

The straight dope: Be careful with the Midwest Reserve gummies

If you’re aiming to soar without going full cosmic space jam, and then an unplanned nap, two of the 5mg Midwest Reserve gummies will be plenty if you take edibles on a regular basis. One will be more than enough for a novice. In fact, and I can’t even believe I’m typing these blasphemous words, novices should considering slicing these jaw-slackening 5 mg gummies in half.

It bears repeating, you need to watch the clock and set a calendar reminder to properly enjoy these things. If you wanna be giggling at Mythic Quest by 8 p.m., you need to pop that gummy no later than 5:45, full stomach or not.

There is a downside that I haven’t mentioned yet. The hangover from these things may be the worst edibles-related hangover I’ve ever had. Brain fog stuck with me for almost a full day after that 10 mg debacle. The 5 mg doses were no picnic either. This is definitely a weekend trip, assuming you don’t have any serious adulting to do the next day.

SCORES:

Potency: 5

Price: 5 ($19.99 if bought on the Midwest Reserve website)

Value: 5

Far Out, Man Ratio: 5

Total: 20 out of 20

Scoring system is a 1 to 5 range, with 1 being “meh,” and 5 being “Fuck yeah.”